Wednesday, April 26, 2006

I ain't blogged here in a GRIP.

Finally I feel as though I have some "Eve and Wheels-worthy" material to blog about, and it's called A Weekend in TAFKAS. If you don't know about TAFKAS, too bad. But here's how it all went down:

Thursday afternoon I arrived in Albuquerque and met Eve at Kelley's for some delicious Weizen beers with oranges. It was quite refreshing and I got to see my friend, Joel, who is also the Captain half of my band, Captain and Tenille. We can do a mean rendition of "The Way You Make Me Feel" by Michael Jackson. Don't be jealous... Anyways, Jenn also met us there and we proceeded to the Isotopes game, where Maudra joined.

So did we watch the game? Hell no. I discussed how disappointed I was that they only play a snippet of a song before certain players played, how the Isotopes were playing the Iowa Cubs (whose games I used to go to every summer when I was a kid and visited my dad in Des Moines), how awesome the nasty pump nacho cheese is, explained to Maud what a grand slam is... you get the idea. We did pay attention to the race between the taco, red chile, and green chile. We rooted for the taco, but of course the green chile won. You can't beat the green chile. EVER.

Friday was the night of Kid Rock. I, however, met Eve's b/f at Horse & Angel and proceeded to eat a quesadilla and drink about four Miller Lites before Evelyn got off work. :o) Kid Rock was almost a non-issue. I say almost because the concert would have been a total loss had it not been for the amazingly dedicated and drunk spectators. Eve, Jenny, and I bought some h-dogs and found a spot on the green, where two cowboys decided to stand in front of us. So I did what anyone would do and threw french fries at them until they moved. There was a native who passed by about six times to fetch beer with a t-shirt on that said "Rehab is for quitters". There was the couple we saw making out outside of the women's restroom, dancing like maniacs to every single song. They also decided it would be a good idea to make out during Kid's version of "Feel Like Makin' Love". I went blind temporarily.

Eve also made a special friend who made vague references to Star Wars and wore overalls with one side undone. I think they'll be friends for life.

After the concert we made our way (10,000 miles away) to Horse & Angel where Eve proceeded to get crunk in 14.8 seconds flat. It was impressive. Kendall wanted to steal a painting of a horse in a "heist" he and Jason had planned out... And of course, Jason had to lick Eve's face.

I drove the drunkies home in Jason's Escalade (secretly I stay sober just so I can drive it... j/k) and then decided I should go back to Rio Rancho to Eve's house so I could sleep undisturbed for longer than I could if I had stayed in the spare at Jason's. Last time I was first awoken by Chris leaving at like 7:30 a.m. to go golfing. Then it was Jason trying to convince me that I needed to go eat with them at Weck's. I SO was not having it and I stayed there while they went and enjoyed some breakfast. Of course they were nice enough to bring me back a giant, dirty burrito...

Anyways, as I'm coming up to the intersection of Unser and Southern, I notice lots of flashing lights. Maybe there was a wreck, I thought to myself. Not so much. More a DUI checkpoint. I wasn't too worried since I hadn't had a real drink since before the concert, but you know how cops just make you nervous (well, they make me nervous)? Long story longer, I got to Eve's house in one piece and went to bed.

Saturday morning I was stirred awake by Evelyn coming home at 8 a.m. Apparently Jason failed to turn of his alarm 47 times and she finally got fed up with it. We went back to sleep for a while and then had to get ready for the wedding.

The wedding was nice and short. Los smelled of alcohol and so did the three women behind us. Me, Evelyn, and Lipe's girlfriend, Heather, were the only ones who weren't knocked up. There were kids all over the place, and I guess the ring bearer had been running around saying, "I'm Rick James!" all morning and told Sack he smelled like a crocodile. After the wedding we had a few hours to kill before the reception, so we thought it would be a good idea to booze it at Billy's. Highlights: Good Miller Lite, bad service, Los and Sack playing quarters, Evelyn forgiving Jason for his bad alarm etiquette.

The reception was pretty laid back. Eve and I thought it would be a good idea to try come sort of blue liquor by Van Gogh... bad idea. It tasted like crap and my drink had stuff floating in it. Never again shall I try a blue drink unless I make it. Winner for most crunk was definitely Heather... guys, never leave your ladyfriends alone with Los, because this is what happens:

Anyways, Maud was kind enough to come pick me, Eve, Jason, and Sack up from the reception and take us downtown. We found Evelyn's toy quail that makes "real quail sounds" and thought it would be a good idea to take it with us. Thank God, because the only way I found Eve, Jason, and Maud in the parking lot after fetching Sack was by listening for the quail call and hearing Eve yell, "Follow the call!" Then Maud started doing a mock quail call, which was eerily close to the toy, who we named T.C.

Before checking in at the Doubletree, we had to buy some booze and get Maud some McDonalds. Luckily there was ample entertainment at both places, including some black guy jammin' out in his car... I couldn't stop staring, but I don't remember why... did he have a grill? There was also the sweet contravan Eve posed with...

Ok, kids, this is entirely too long for our attention spans. I'll finish up later with the grand finale of the Doubletree being banned, knocking on the wrong room doors, big, stupid beers at Maloney's... and I have to decide how badly I want to embarrass myself and others for our lewd behavior at the bar... hahaha.


Blogger Sack said...

I don't believe the jamming guy had a grill. He did appear, however, to be enjoying "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Babs Streisand.

2:37 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

"Wind Beneath My Wings" was sung by Bette Midler. I don't know why I know that and I am slightly ashamed. ;o)

Babs did have a duet with the Neil called "You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore". I know that because I heart Neil Diamond.

3:50 PM  
Blogger Sack said...

Uhhh...I was talking about "Wind Beneath My Wings Gangsta Remix '99" by Stealth Babs Streisand Flex.

4:32 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

I love it when Jewish people go all G-Unit with their music.

Mazel tov, BITCH!

10:01 PM  
Blogger Maud said...

Can someone email the photos... I depend on you girls for my scrapbooking! Thanks loves!

11:05 AM  

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