Monday, December 12, 2005

Allow me to rant (squared)...

What I now want to know is who died and made the most ridiculous and delusional people on the planet kings and queens of criticizing everyone else?

We're all guilty of it. There's that girl at the bar with the rolls and a belly shirt... you can't just NOT say anything. Or the guy with the mullet and a jean jacket with a Ratt patch sewn on the back (watch out, it might be Sack).

I've had an epiphany of sorts after having shit talked about me right in front of my face while said shit-talker did not think I could hear. Said shitty comment was actually a multiple-burn, aimed at my social, economic, and fashion status. Now we all know I am admittedly unable to dress or accesorize myself; I don't have a problem with being fashionably unadventurous and handicapped. But when the comment comes from someone Stacy and Clinton would rip to shreds, it makes one wonder where this person gets the balls to say anything at all.

My mom used to tell me that people who made fun of others did so to make them feel better about themselves. I guess it's true. My epiphany is that I do it, and I need to do it less.

Who needs to do it even less than me are people who are obese and make fun of fat people... People who have dandruffy, grody hair, but make fun of people with, say, really curly hair... People who have exposed and cracked, dirty feet and make fun of people who's pedicure is a week old... you get the idea.

When you (and by you, I mean the overly-critical) get the memo from GOD that you are perfect, then by all means, fire away. Until then, leave me, my poor, unfashionable ass, and everybody else alone. And yes, that is me on the right, playing dress up at St. Bernard in Ruidoso with a leopard print top and a black bear backpack. I know you're jealous...

Disclaimer: If you're really overweight and wearing a a baby t-shirt that says "You Wish I was Your Girlfriend," "My Eyes Are Up Here," or "Diva," you're free game. Sorry. Actually, if you're anyone wearing shirts that say crap like that, I can and will make fun of you.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Dick Cheney and Soylent Asshole

Ok, so a recent analysis of friend's and friend's friend's traumatizing trials and tribulations with men has led me to believe that there is a government conspiracy behind all of the assholes in this nation.

For a couple of case studies, see "one degree of seperation" and the comments on Maud's Blog. For more examples, talk to your neighborhood female friend and she'll have at least a dozen stories that would make one think we'd swear off men by age 20.

This is honestly demoralizing, disconcerting, disenchanting, and quickly becoming an epidemic. Men cheating on their pregnant and non-pregnant girlfriends, wives, fiancees, and Jessica Simpson. Seriously, if Jessica Simpson and her hot ass can't keep a man loyal, I don't see how there's hope for the rest of us.

So this leads to my question: Why are all these guys acting this way, or what is making them act this way? I hypothesized on Maud's blog that perhaps GWB (and by GWB, I mean his daddy, Dick Cheney, who also might be a robot) has released some sort of a chemical agent into the nation's water supply. It's probably called "Soylent Asshole." I also proposed that men may have been offered secret tax breaks for their submission into dick-like behavior. Who knows. If you know a single man and can get into his mail, look for the government memo because I sure as hell didn't get it.

I also have to comment on the barrage of women out there that are allowing themselves to be treated sub par. Frankly, I don't care who you are, what you look like, how you dress, where you work or live, there is someone out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and will be glad to do it. It's just a matter of weeding out all the "Soylent Assholes" that smooth their way into our lives only to not return calls, remember they have a girlfriend, or that they just "don't want a relationship right now." My advice is fire any guy's ass who can't measure up to your reasonable expectations (and guys should do the same).

Also, I would like a raise of hands from everyone who's had issues with men/boys named Tyler... there seems to be a pattern forming and I'd like to look into this phenomenon.

And now I feel as though I must throw in a disclaimer: I am not a man-hater. I have a great b/f who I love very much. He treats me very well and therefore I think everyone else deserving should expect the same out of the potential manfriends in their lives. :o)

Sunday, December 04, 2005

So like six weeks later...

I am fairly certain we're not going to get any more pics from Homecoming, so here's what's left in no order whatsoever from my list from Si Senor:

1. Staci's stories from Sunday morning (I have a possible title for her future memoirs, if she wants it...)
2. Meggo's "yearbook" signing party Saturday night
3. Chris Kelly's impression of Evelyn's annoyed face (UNCANNY)
4. Rollie, pumping, and the subsequent debate about the definition of pumping that followed
4a. Evelyn "pumping" while sitting on the bed at the Motel 9.5
5. "Tony Little-ing" as a verb

6. The ditch behind Casa de Thompson, a.k.a. Amanda's near-death experience
7. Nunn making out in front of God and everyone at The Brew Saturday night
8. "The Rapist" sidling up on my backside at the bar, me saying he was a rapist loud enough for him to hear, and finding out the next morning he had stayed in the room adjoining ours
9. Bitch Hair
11. The quest to buy Sparks (which you cannot get in Lubbock) Sunday before leaving

Well, that is my conclusion to this year's Homecoming debacle. Sorry it took so long. I've been obessessed with getting classes, work, and living in Lubbock over with and I'm nearly done!

Friday, December 02, 2005

Men = Asininity?

Kids, found this pic to post from Jenny's! Basically it's just a big "Miss ya'll!" from me. I can't wait to see everyone at Meggo's bachelorette party and wedding.

Based on comments from the last entry, eventually I will come up with a list for what Amanda calls the "Sarah Wheeler School of Being the Man in a Relationship" (even though I don't think I am...). Maybe it'll give us all some encouragement when it comes to the asininity (Smus, you know what that means) that is the male species. It'll probably be pretty funny, too...

Anyways, hope everyone has a fun weekend in the 505... have a drink for those of us stuck in West Texas.