Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Happy Birthday to My Little!

This must be quick because I'm off to work/school (they're really the same thing), but I wanted to say Happy Birthday to Cindy B.! She probably doesn't read the blog, but I'm so glad I got to see you at Homecoming, C.B.!

Wish I had a cool pic to post...

Friday, November 25, 2005

Merry Hallothanksmas?

The Internet has lured me into it's fantastic grasp once again. Perhaps you're wondering, "What the hell is Hallothanksmas?" Well, let me tell you that one of my new theories (after my theory that Kathy Griffin is really just Andy Dick in drag) is that all of the fall/winter holidays are morphing into one supermegaholiday.

It wasn't even Halloween yet and Christmas decorations were out. And what about Thanksgiving? It's in there somewhere, and right about now I wish it didn't exist. Mine was absolute crap in Roswell with my mean granny who made me cry, was rude to Amanda, and called my entire family alcoholics when she used to take my mom to the bar with her when she was, oh, like 12 years old. Mmhmm... because taking kids to the bar isn't something alcoholics do... I do hope everyone else had a grandtabulous holiday, though!

Anyways, I've strayed from my original topic: The supermegaholiday. Since Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are all BFF now, I think that Hallmark might be losing money and should consider inventing some new holidays in between the supermegaholiday so we can all have more opportunities/excuses to visit family and get wasted in order to deal with them. Here's an idea: National International Pint Glass Day. See how easy inventing a holiday is? Then you get creative with the marketing: cards, mascots, face-painting, commemorative plates and/or coins, coffee mugs, a designated food such as cheese fries, and you have a superb holiday and a reason to drink various beverages from a plethora of pint glasses.

I feel as though if I didn't suffer such unbearable hangovers in my old age, I would celebrate National International Pint Glass Day all day, every day. Not really, but I think that Kip Dynamite is thinking about fabricating holidays in the photo displayed above and that gives me hope that someday the months of October, November, and December will all be one incredible 90-day soiree filled with face-painting, commemorative coin-tossing, and drunken debauchery.

I do have some less asinine things to say... namely that my tortuous stint in Lubbock (a.k.a Shittown, Stinkyville, Hell, or TheUglistCityonthePlanet) is nearly up. Thank goodness you don't have to be AT school to work on a thesis. About two weeks to go, kids!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

I Got My Phone Back!!!

Hey kids, I finally went last night and purchased a new cell phone. I am back in service. Too bad I'll be in a town all weekend where I get no reception.

I hope everyone has a GREAT Thanksgiving!!!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Just like you like it.

I literally have no pictures from Satur-day. I know there are some from tailgating on Maud’s Blog, so if you haven’t checked them out… DO IT.

So back to the message at hand: Homecoming, Part Deux. Saturday started really at about 2 a.m. as we drove across the street to Whataburger, which is honestly never a good idea. It always makes me ill, but I keep buying it when I’m drunk. I wanted to walk, but the rest of the crew would not believe me that you could, in fact, walk through the drive-thru! This is also when the sweet stabbing pain started in my back and chest… how cool is that? We ate our Whataburger picnic-style on the Motel 9.5 floor, gleefully dripping gravy which was magically absorbed into the carpet. No, seriously… it was magic. Sacagawea and Brown Liquor know what’s up.

Contary to popular belief, I did not stay up any later than anyone else. I just got a phone call at about 5:30 a.m. from the b/f and talked to him in the bathroom. At about 8 a.m. I made my formal commitment to myself that I will never stay in a motel room with more than like two other people and here is why:

-Our room was supposed to be me, Eve, B, and Amanda. Most of the young girls’ stuff still remained in our room for the entire weekend, as if we didn’t have enough shit as it was.
-Maud refused to sleep in her own bed (unless forced to do so). This is why we set the Roberto’s chips and salsa boobie trap on our bed Saturday.
-Saturday morning I had to take Amanda to Alex at like 8:15 a.m. and I wanted to DIE. Then I get back, wanting to sleep because I was darn tired and knew I would not get a nap, but all hell had broken loose… hair dryers, talking (LOUD NOISES!), showers, banging around, TALKING. Yeah, I’m a cranky old B. I admit it freely.
-We’re actually all cranky old Bs. We didn’t want to open the door adjoining the rooms and I don’t think I need to explain why besides this vision, which came true: Literally the SECOND we opened the door, Leslee, Maud, and Nichole came spilling in… every time. It was inevitable. You girls are just so damn spunky… love you!
-One plus was passing Kirstin in the form of a cell phone around the rooms so everyone could say hi… we missed you.

I think the parade was s solemn occasion since all were increasingly distraught about Lasso Lucifer. I didn't go since I was having my hair dyed. Napajaweas never happened after my hair appointment, just as I predicted. I locked my keys in my Jeep and numerous calls to fraternity boys who should know how to break into vehicles proved useless, so I had to pay the locksmith. We heard tailgating sucked from various people, including Smus, but we headed over anyways. Highlights for me are as follows:

-The mouthwash concoction of a cocktail everyone but me was drinking. I have no effing idea what that blue shit was.
-Seeing various people I hadn’t seen in forever.
-Orthodontics and the chick dressed like a $2 hooker.
-The rumor that tickets for the game were like $15… whatever!
-Yeah… that’s about it. I didn’t even get a warm h-dog and the cops were driving around like Al Queda was in attendance.
-Lastly: Chunk’s Jackie C. Bombs Over Bagdad dance… maybe Al Queda was there after all. This will NEVER, ever get old!

The game was fun. We bought nachos and had in Amanda’s Gucci the box of Jujyfruits Kevin packed for Leslee. She said not to eat the black ones, so I took it upon myself to throw them at people below us in the stands. It was incredible. See photo of the game and probably the backs of some Jujyfruit drive-by victim’s heads.

Eve and I were totally pumped about singing the Aggie Fight Song and we got to since we actually scored. There was a really drunk pirate near us, which was definitely a huge bonus, and I saw Satan #1 when we were leaving the game! Kick ass. Ok, but seriously, you all know why I go to the game. It’s for the Aggie Alumni Band, who is by all accounts, “the most dangerous alumni band in the world!” I love, love, love, love, love the baton lady. This year she was bitchin! Last year she almost fell a couple of times. This year she was all over the place, twirling and spinning… she even busted out TWO batons. After I saw her spectacular performance, I was ready to leave and start working on my burgeoning baton skillz. You know she’ll need a successor one of these days.

We found Sacagawea et. al in the dirt lot and we all decided it might be a good idea to practice our baton moves for a few minutes. I think Sack might be a better baton twirler than most. His performance was quite stunning, full of 360-turns, raised arms, reverse turns, and 360-turns with raised arms at the same time.

Ok, I know you all are probably bored by now, so I’ll end this one for now. If you’re curious, this is when we headed over to Bennigan’s, where Amanda left a fake note on her receipt explaining my attraction to the waiter, and Mego got beligerant about Fatty-Bo-Batty Poo, while Maud kept her cool. Oh, and Smus gave us her famous rendition of Annie…

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Homecoming, Part One

Ah, mwa ha ha ha ha… I am already laughing upon recollection of Homecoming and review of my list I made Sunday morning while at Si Senor. So, in the interest of not boring you, here are Wheels’ points of interest from just the Friday night of NMSU Homecoming 2005:

Friday afternoon: Upon arrival at Si Senor with my entourage in tow (Amanda and my brother), I was cheerfully greeted in the cantina area by, “WHEEEEELLLLSSSSS!!!!” It was probably mostly Kelly B., but nonetheless I was glad to be there after having had a Sonic roadie on the way over from Ruidoso. We all gorged on chips and various salsas, got a little caught up and then it was (of course) time for Farley’s. This is where I believe the night got interesting. Here’s why:

-Kelly B. was already wasted and surly thanks to Sack, whom shall hereto forth be known in this Homecoming recap as “Sacagawea.”
-“K-Bizzle” was all over the damn place, lugging around her pail of nuts and forcing the nuts upon others, including strangers sitting at the bar area wearing hairnets, which she proceeded to touch after getting said strangers a bucket of nuts for themselves. Later investigation told us that these brown kids whose hairnets she was touching were her “cousins,” and so were all the other brown kids in Las Cruces that weekend.
-There was the waitress with the sweet-ass back fat selling faux Jell-O shots (or at least I was convinced they were non-alcoholic).
-Sacagawea got his ass slapped numerous times by Maud, who had pool hall chalk all over her hands, leaving distinguishable handprints (see photo).

-Someone, somewhere acquired a large amount of hot chocolate packets that everyone was playing with and these packets made it back to the Motel 6 with us, or the Motel 9.5 (pi r squared, if you’re nasty). See pic of me threatening Matt, who has hot cocoa in his pocket…
-Eve’s boobies were the hot topic for quite some time, and for good reason! I wish I had boobs to show off…
-Me, Amanda, my bro, Eve, and Lesgar had a family meal on the other side of the restaurant after we made Amanda flirt with the ambiguously lesbian-teen hostess for a while. We were convinced her role in this scheme led us to a table faster.
-At this table, Kelly B. haggled for like 20 minutes with the poor waitress and even the manager about getting the adult pizza for the kid’s menu price. I think she thought she was at the Mercado or something. At this point we were pretty certain KB would not make it through the remainder of the evening.

Eve’s going to have to fill in some memories of the Brew. I got pissed off fairly early when one of the Psycho Hose Beast’s (my other bro’s ex-g/f) asshole sisters whose name is spelled “S-u-n-d-a-e, like the dessert,” showed up and was being a usual crazy person like all of them are, so we went to Hurricane where we witnessed many people dressed up like stuffed animals and a pretty good band. Is Hurricane the place to be now? Neil said he hadn’t seen the Brew as busy as it was during HC for some time, so I’m wondering if the tides have changed as they sometimes do in the LC. Which reminds me: “NEIL! I WANNA PARTY WITH YOU!” (a la Saving Silverman).

I do know Eve was quite excited about Skippy's Dr. Pepper cap. I had no idea she would betray Diet Coke like this...

More to come from Satur-day and Satur-night, followed by Sunday morning's occurances, including cutting a burrito with my old driver's license and the fear of opening the door adjoining the rooms at the Motel 9.5...

Monday, November 14, 2005

Wanted: One Cell Phone for Evelyn

Ok, so this is my only response to the slow destruction and recent loss of Eve's cell phone: Eve, you need the phone this gentleman on the left has. Yes, you may have to carry a bigger bag, but at least you'd know where it was at all times because of it's sheer size and stately presence. Also, you'd never have to worry about anyone stealing your 1991 model Zack Morris cell phone.

If you wanted to, you could decorate it with scrapbooking stickers and maybe some puffy paint from the days of yore for some extra pizzazz.

Lost Phone!!

So, I am a drunken idiot!!! I lost my phone this weekend.

This is what happened. Jenny, her sisters and I decided to go to Cowboys and listen to the Bellamy Brothers. Do I know who the Bellamy Brothers are, NO, but I decided it would be fun and something different to do. Well, after being there about 45 minutes I decide to call people on my phone because i'm not really enjoying myself. I don't know if it was because I was too drunk or not as drunk as everyone else. I then get asked to dance by one of the guys in the group with us and he proceeds to spin me round and round on the dance floor. I'm having a little trouble keeping my balance, but i'm actually having a good time now. So, the song is over and I go back to our area where we are standing and proceed to find my phone and call some more people. Guess what, the phone is not in my purse!!! At this point I should be freaking out a little bit more that I was, but I was in a nice buzzed state and was thinking that it will turn up. I then go out and dance with another guy and look for my phone on the dance floor, still no phone. Now my night is really sucking. I proceed to go up to the bouncers I don't know how many times and ask if a phone as been turned in. Still no phone. I even went back on Sat. night to see if it turned up. I guess I asked the bouncers a ton of times friday night if they had my phone, because sat. night when me and maud walked up they just looked at me and said they hadn't found my phone.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Belated Birthday Wish to K-Bizzle!

As promised, here are some hilArious pics of Kelly B. circa 1998 and probably 2000ish. Happy Birthday Kelly B.!!!
I chose this first picture for a few good reasons: a., #1: Kelly B. is SO stylin' with her sweet, sweet khakis, and superb sweater-vest (vest-sweater for Amanda and Sack); b., #2: The Zeta Slut Dance is obviously being practiced (maybe it was the first night we learned it at the TKE house?); c., #3: That's the back of Eve's head on the left and Wheels on the right, and we are SO cool and probably 18, doing the ZTA Slut Dance.

So this second pic makes me laugh every time I look at it. B, we totally did the D-Sig dance at Bennigan's at HC, and here you are, six-ish years ago, doing it with BEANS! Mwa ha ha ha! I love this picture and everything it stands for. Again with the khakis... I think we both loved khakis freshman year. WTF?

And finally we have K-Bizzle, toasting the ladies of Zeta Tau Alpha. I won't say where this pic took place to protect the "innocent". I do know if you inspect the picture closely, there are many "rules" being broken. We were such rebels! It reminds me of the time when me, Eve, and B walked to the ZTA home from the D-Chi house at about five or six a.m., and I had enough liquid bravery in me to convince B and Eve we were safe due to my unstoppable karate skillz.


9 Hangovers a Year

So, I was listening to the radio this morning and they said the average person has 9 Hangovers a year.

I think there might me something wrong with me because I think i've had about 9 hangovers in the last month.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Call for pictures!

Hi y'all... still stuck in Ruidoso, awaiting the doctor's appointment, but I wanted to post an e-mail address that I made so anyone could send me pics, but it's not my main e-mail so I don't care if I post it. I'll probably end up with a million SPAMs for Viagara, how to get prescription drugs for cheap, and ads for porno, but I'll get your pics too, so make sure they're decent and Gmail doesn't filter them out. ;o)

So send your Homecoming pics to Be proud, I took the time on my family's dial-up effing slow connection to make a special e-mail for you! It'd be great if we had more of a selection because I know what Eve and I have is extremely limited.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Jenny's Weekend

This is why Jenny couldn't join us this weekend, she was too busy being a race car driver!!!


SO, here is a pic of me and my co-workers on Monday for our Halloween celebration.

It wouldn't have been bad if A. I liked Halloween B. If I didn't have to be at the office at 7am to decorate C. If I didn't feel like complete and utter crap that day.

At least I was better off than poor Wheels who was at the hospital. :(